I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle.
Pam: Psst. Jim. Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I’ll just tell you.
Jim: What?
Pam: For the past few months I’ve been sending Dwight letters from the CIA.
Jim: Are you serious?
Pam: They’re considering him for a top secret mission. There’s his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he’d never ever tell.
Jim: Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow.
Pam: So… here’s the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. Sorry I didn’t wrap it.
Jim: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through delusion.
